The holiday season is often described as magical, joyful, and full of connection. But when you’re living with cancer or recovering from it, the holidays can feel very different, heavier, more emotional, and a lot harder to navigate.
The Emotional Landscape of the Holidays
The holidays have a way of amplifying emotions – the joy, yes, but also the grief, fear, and overwhelm.
When you’re living with cancer, this emotional landscape becomes even more layered:
- Grief for the energy you used to have. Let’s be honest, cancer makes you tired. Physically and emotionally. BC (before cancer) you may have been a dynamo who could do it all and more. Now just getting the tree out of storage or home form the tree farm might feel like a full days work. There’s a lot of emotion in that. See it, feel it, and give yourself some grace for where you are right now.
- Sadness or nostalgia for traditions that feel out of reach. Did your family always do a big Christmas Day walk in the snow? Or maybe it was a full day of family and friends stopping by. Traditions that don’t match your AC (after cancer) you may need some tweaking or a switch up based on where you are. Again, see it, feel it and give yourself grace. Maybe this is the year that you create a new tradition that meets you where you are.
- Guilt about not being able to “do it all.” Carrying guilt around having cancer and/or living with it’s side effects is normal and it isn’t unexpected. You want to be the BC you and because you can’t you may feel like you are disappointing yourself and others. How can you pare back your do it all list into a do what I can list and still make it fun and memorable.
- Anxiety about how you’ll feel day to day. Yes to this. Cancer creates heightened anxiety. And, you don’t want to let people down. And, you just want things to be “normal.” You may have to gauge and adjust accordingly. If you can accept that as your reality it may take some of the anxiety away, or at least relieve it a bit.
- Loneliness even when surrounded by people. Anyone who has had cancer knows the loneliness that comes with it, even when you are with others. When people don’t get it or don’t know what to say it can get awkward and disappointing really fast. That can often make you feel even lonelier. Perhaps there is a trusted friend or family member that can be your side-kick to help you stay present in the ability to be with others, or that can check in on you and help you feel included and involved in the group or friend dynamic.
- Pressure to appear positive or festive. Oh the phony smile that cancer patients feel they have to paste on so that they don’t come across as the Grinch. All of the pieces above can fall into this space. Release that pressure by choosing to show the best way you can and in a way that is supportive of where you are that day. You may find yourself able to be the Christmas star or you may be the church mouse. Be you, not what others want you to be.
- Moments of gratitude that can feel confusing or bittersweet. I call this good grief. The moment that you are experiencing joy and then suddenly a wave of sad washes over you. To learn more about this concept listen to Episode 4.5 The Time I Felt Good Grief on my podcast, Living to Thrive with Cancer.
Give yourself permission to feel everything without judgment and without apology.
Family Dynamics & Honouring Your Boundaries
Let’s be honest, holiday family dynamics are complicated in the best of times. Add cancer to the mix and suddenly the expectations, pressure, and emotional weight can feel enormous.
You may find that:
- People expect you to participate like normal
- Others overcompensate or hover
- Some avoid talking about cancer entirely
- Old patterns and stressors resurface
- You feel responsible for protecting everyone else’s feelings
This is exactly why boundaries matter so much right now.
You are allowed to choose what works for you.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to change your mind.
Some boundaries that may support you:
- “I may need to rest or leave early.”
- “I’m keeping things low-key this year.”
- “I’m skipping this event to protect my energy.”
- “I’m not available for conversations about my diagnosis today.”
Here’s a phrase you can borrow:
“This year is different for me, and I’m choosing what supports my health and peace.”
Your boundaries are not a burden. They are an act of self-support and self-respect.
Parenting Through the Holidays
If you’re parenting through cancer, you’re likely carrying an extra layer of emotional weight.
You want to create joy.
You want to keep traditions alive.
You want your kids to have magic and memories.
But here’s the truth:
Your children don’t need perfection they need presence.
They need your honesty, your love, your steadiness.
They need connection, not overexertion.
Some ways to support yourself (and them):
Simplify the season
Ask your kids what matters most to them. You’ll be amazed at how simple their answers often are.
Maybe it’s:
- Watching a holiday movie
- Decorating slowly together
- Baking one batch of cookies
- Driving around to look at lights
Communicate gently and honestly
Kids sense when things feel different. Including them in the conversation helps them feel safe and informed.
Release the pressure to make everything magical
Your presence, even a quiet or limited one, is what they will remember.
You are giving your children powerful lessons in resilience, love, and authenticity simply by showing up as you are.
Traveling With Cancer
Traveling can be exhausting even when you’re healthy. When you’re living with cancer, it requires a deeper level of intention and planning.
Before you say yes to travel, pause and ask yourself:
- Will this trip support my well-being?
- Am I doing this because I truly want to, or because I feel obligated?
- Does my energy realistically match the plans?
If you decide to travel, try these supportive strategies:
1. Prepare a comfort & care kit
Bring anything that helps you feel grounded: medications, hydration, snacks, layers, pillows, headphones, comfort items.
2. Build in rest time
Schedule downtime before, during, and after your trip.
3. Communicate your needs ahead of time
Let your hosts know you’ll be moving at your own pace.
4. Stay flexible
Your energy may shift and that’s okay.
And if you choose not to travel?
That is a perfectly valid decision.
Protecting your peace is more important than tradition.
Creating a Holiday Season That Honours Your Healing
Perhaps the most empowering shift you can make this season is this:
You are allowed to redefine the holidays.
You don’t have to do things the way you always have.
You don’t have to perform or push or overextend.
You don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations but your own.
Here are some ways to create a season that supports you:
- Slow down
- Simplify decorating
- Let go of draining traditions
- Create gentle, nourishing rituals
- Say yes only to what feels meaningful
- Build in space for rest, reflection, and quiet
Try asking yourself:
“What would it feel like to create a holiday season that honours my healing, my truth, and my needs?”
Let your answer be your compass.
Here’s a mantra to carry with you:
“This season, I choose ease, presence, and connection. That is more than enough.”
Moving Through the Season with Self-Compassion
As you navigate the holidays this year, remember:
- You’re allowed to feel what you feel
- You’re allowed to protect your energy
- You’re allowed to change traditions
- You’re allowed to put yourself first
- You’re allowed to rest without guilt
And you deserve support from others, and from yourself.
Wishing you ease, gentleness, and moments of genuine connection this season one breath, one choice, one moment at a time.
Ready to get support in building a life that feels aligned and healing after cancer? My THRIVE coaching and resources are here to guide you. Let’s walk this path together.
If you would like to know more about the concept of living with cancer, I have written a book all about my personal experience with moving from survivor to thriver. In my book I offer anecdotes and strategies that will encourage you to learn how to thrive with cancer. You can get a copy of Living to Thrive: a holistic guide to living with cancer here.
You don’t have to navigate cancer alone. As a Cancer Coach I support cancer survivors who are looking for more than just surviving day to day – they want to learn how to thrive with cancer. The THRIVE Cancer Coaching Program is a space for you to learn and grow while getting one to one support from a ten year cancer thriver. Let’s talk about how coaching can help you create abundance in your life with cancer. Schedule a free coaching call today to learn more about coaching and how to get started.
Kathryn White is a Cancer Coach who supporting cancer survivors to turn their cancer diagnosis into a thriving story one day at a time.
