When you’re living with a cancer diagnosis, you’re surrounded by goals.
- Treatment goals
- Lab number goals
- Weight goals
- “Be positive” goals everyone around you seems to expect
But in real life, the life you’re actually living in your body right now, those kinds of goals can feel heavy, punishing, or even impossible. That’s why I invite my clients to do something very different:
Set intentions instead of goals.
What’s the Difference Between Goals and Intentions?
Goals are:
- Future-focused outcomes ex. “I will walk 30 minutes every day.”
- Specific, measurable targets ex. “I will lose 10 pounds.”
- Often tied to achievement or performance ex. “I will never feel anxious about scans again.”
Intentions are:
- Present-focused ways of being ex. “I intend to treat my body with kindness today.”
- Guiding principles or attitudes ex. “I intend to meet myself with honesty and compassion, no matter how I feel.”
- Grounded in your values and what you can control right now ex. “I intend to bring curiosity, not judgment, to my fear around scans.”
Both can have a place in life. But during cancer, they land very differently.
Goals During Cancer
Goals can sometimes be supportive when:
- They are gentle, flexible, and aligned with your reality such as, “I will drink one extra glass of water today.”
- They are about behaviours you can control, not outcomes you can’t such as, “I will write down one thing that brought me a moment of ease tonight.”
- They help you feel a sense of structure and agency such as, “I will ask one question at my next appointment.”
When used this way, goals can create a sense of direction without becoming a burden.
The Flipside of Goals
Many of my clients come to me burnt out from goals.
Here’s how goals can backfire:
They can feel like tests you can fail. On days when fatigue, pain, or side effects knock you flat, a goal like “walk 30 minutes” can turn into a harsh internal voice: “You failed again. You’re not trying hard enough.”
They can ignore the unpredictability of treatment.
Cancer doesn’t care about your carefully laid plans. You might wake up feeling okay and be flattened by noon. Strict goals rarely account for that.
They can attach your worth to your performance.
“If I meet my goals, I’m doing cancer ‘right.’ If I don’t, I’m failing.” You are not a project. You are a person living through something enormous.
They can reinforce toxic positivity.
Goals like “I will stay positive all the time” can shame you for feeling afraid, angry, or sad, emotions that are completely normal and human responses to cancer.
The Power of Intentions During Cancer
Intentions shift the focus from What did I accomplish? to How am I choosing to show up with what’s here?
Intentions can help you:
- Honor your humanity. You’re allowed to be tired, scared, hopeful, numb, grateful, resentful, all of it.
- Adapt to each day as it really is. Instead of forcing yourself to meet a standard, you meet yourself where you are.
- Stay connected to what matters to you. Your values, like dignity, connection, honesty, and courage, can guide you even when outcomes are uncertain.
- Soften perfectionism. Intentions are not pass/fail. They’re invitations.
How Intentions Can Go Wrong (and How to Avoid That)
Even intentions can be twisted into subtle self-judgment if we’re not careful.
Negative form of intentions:
- “I intend to stop being so weak.”
- “I intend to never cry about this again.”
- “I intend to be grateful all the time.”
These are still performance rules wrapped in softer language.
Supportive intentions sound more like:
- “I intend to speak to myself as I would to a dear friend.”
- “I intend to let my feelings exist without deciding they’re wrong.”
- “I intend to notice one moment of safety or comfort today, if it appears.”
The difference? One demands perfection. The other offers compassion.
Comparing Goals and Intentions
Example 1: Fatigue and Movement
- Goal: “I will exercise 5 days a week for 30 minutes.”
- Intention: “I intend to listen to my body and give it the movement, stillness, or rest it needs today.”
On a low-energy day, the goal version might trigger shame. The intention version allows for “today movement looks like two stretches in bed” or “today rest is the kindest choice.”
Example 2: Scans and Fear
- Goal: “I will not freak out about my scan results.”
- Intention: “I intend to meet my scanxiety with curiosity and compassion.”
The goal suggests that fear is failure. The intention acknowledges fear and invites a different way to relate to it.
Example 3: Relationships and Support
- Goal: “I will never burden anyone with my feelings.” or “I will always be strong for my family.”
- Intention: “I intend to be honest about what I’m feeling and ask for the support I need when I can.”
The goal demands emotional perfection. The intention honors your needs and your humanity.
How to Set Intentions When You’re Living With Cancer
Here’s a simple way to begin:
- Pause and check in. Ask: What is really here today: physically, emotionally, mentally?
- Name what matters to you. Is it kindness? Truth? Connection? Dignity? Rest? Agency?
Choose one value that feels important today. - Turn it into an intention. Use language like:
- “I intend to…”
- “Today I choose to…”
- “My priority today is to…”
Examples:
- “Today, I intend to move through this day at the pace my body needs.
- “I choose to allow myself to feel what I feel, without labeling it as good or bad.”
- “My priority today is to ask one clear question at my appointment so I understand my care better.”
- Keep it small and gentle.
If it sounds like a demand, shrink it. Ask: Does this feel like support or pressure? - Revisit and revise.
Intention-setting is not a contract; it’s a living conversation with yourself. At midday, you might adjust: “This morning my intention was to get things done. Now my body is asking for rest. I intend to honour that.”
When You’re Too Tired to “Work on Yourself”
Some days, the idea of “personal growth” or “mindset work” is just too much. You do not need to be productive about your cancer experience.
On those days, an intention can be as simple as:
- “I intend to do the bare minimum and call that enough.”
- “I intend to let myself be held by others, by my bed, by the couch.”
- “I intend to manage this day, nothing more.”
That is not giving up. That is wisdom.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
As a cancer coach, I help people:
- Untangle harsh, goal-driven expectations that don’t fit life with cancer
- Learn to set compassionate, realistic intentions
- Build emotional tools for scanxiety, uncertainty, and fear
- Reconnect with who they are beyond their diagnosis, even in the middle of treatment
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re “failing” at coping, healing, or staying positive, we can create a different way, one that honours your body, your limits, and your heart.
You are not a project to fix. You are a person to support. Let’s start there.
If this resonates, I’d love to support you.
- Book a complimentary consultation with me
- Or reply to this post / send me an email at hello@kathrynwhite.coach with the subject “Intentions, not goals” and I’ll share how we can work together.
If you would like to know more about the concept of living with cancer, I have written a book all about my personal experience of moving from survivor to thriver. In my book I offer anecdotes and strategies that will encourage you to learn how to thrive with cancer. You can get a copy of Living to Thrive: a holistic guide to living with cancer here.
Kathryn White is a Cancer Coach who supporting cancer survivors to turn their cancer diagnosis into a thriving story one day at a time.
